Progression/Regression

I love my friends. I love people. I think it's a character trait I took away from Kait and Lauren. Roughly a year ago their mentality on life was something that was a huge part of my life. It's kinda become integrated into my own mind. Learning to enjoy my friends, who they are and hanging out with them. I mean, there's always that desire for a relationship, but my friends are enough for me to survive for now, and I never want to leave them even if a girl comes into the picture.

On a normal note. I love this chair. It feels like it's a part of me. I like to come here to think. Sit down, turn on the music, write a bit. Very relaxing. Mellow. Even at this point the worries in my heart written about at the beginning of this post have slipped away from my mind. The issue is still there, but I'm not so worried about it. What happens happens. God's in control of my life, and He has a plan for me. So long as I follow His will and stay in the path He set for me everything will fall into place according to His plan. Of that, I'm sure.

We're I An Abuser Of Drugs, Or An Alcoholic

This is probably where I'd call in "sick" to work, take off of school for a day or two or something like that. I feel abnormally tired right now. Granted, I could probably blame it on staying up too late talking to people but I'd rather do that than sleep. So I guess I'm really the one to blame regardless. It just feels like I'm getting to apathetic, which is something I try to avoid like the plague. Even now as I'm writing this, I've been invited to eat with some friends I'd really like to see, but part of me is telling me to avoid them and to just stay home instead. There's no logical reason for me to stay here. To be honest, I would truly rather be out with them, so what's trying to hold me back? It's the same with homework and chores. Procrastination is trying to creep back in and I'm not about to let it. I just wanna know what happened to all that energy I had in the fall??? I mean, I was living off of like 5 hours of sleep every night, rocking hard all day, and I never got tired!! I'm thinking it might be a dietary thing, if it's not too odd to say. You really can get depressed and stuff by eating unhealthy foods. I haven't come real food shopping in a while. Been living off of fast food for close to a month now and I need to stop it. It's expensive and extremely unhealthy. Hecks, that probably is why I had so much energy back then, I was eating a lot better back then. Sadly, I have to wait until Friday to do that because I'm dirt poor right now. But it'll be worth it to keep my body healthy.

On a side note, I don't remember when exactly I switched from being a pessimist to an optimist (Some time during my relationship with Kait, but probably perfected after it ended. Most of my talent, as it so happens, comes from copying her >.<), but recently I've really appreciated that new side of me. I don't really think I could have survived this past year without it. But life looks so good on this side. I look at my poor little brother and I don't know if he'll ever recover from whatever funk he's going through, all because he can't break his pessimistic outlook on life.

Anywho, gotta cut this one a little shorter than I wanted to. I have someone to meet for dinner ^.^

Relient K-Over it
I'll admit to who I am the day I come to understand.
I haven't got a clue, been searching for a few years now
Well if I don't repeat myself then I'll change into someone else
Well I don't quite know who, been searching for a few years now

Learning Patience

I've always said that patience was one of my strong suits. In a sense that's true, but even I falter a bit. I have no one to blame but myself though. It's all this dang internal thought processing I do. So much of my time is spent inside my head thinking, that when real life moments come I jump the gun and push things a little too far. You see, I can talk as big as I want, but when it comes down to it I have many faults. I can tell you that I'm the most patient man I know, that I can handle so much more than people you know, but I'm still not flawless. Even now, I show my true colors. I claim to be mature and able to control my emotions, yet I make this blatantly emo post. Thankfully, my audience is still limited to who I choose :p

So let's get back to the vague truth!!! (well, not so vague as I chose to hide my blog before I finished this post >.>)

Let's say that the most enjoyable thing for me is talking to another human being. This is very truthful. The trick is that my preferred audience is female. What makes this very tricky is that whenever it's you another female tensions arise after time. This is where the patience comes in. Needless to say, it doesn't always end up in either a relationship or a failure (thank you for proving my point Chelsea). But the simple part of this friendship is what I desire the most. You see, when you go from being close friends with someone to having more of a relationship, there's so much tension, so much of a need to perform. It's like all of the sudden you have to form the relationship into something more serious, something more geared towards marriage. I hate this. Is friendship not enough? Can't we just stay like this a while? I don't want to push things, I want them to stay where they are. Sometimes I just get ahead of myself. But my words are true. I'm not ready to date. My past isn't keeping me from it, my future is. I don't want to ruin a good thing just to say I have a girlfriend. I want a friend. I want a good friend. Someone I can talk to, trust, spend time with. No need for physical contact, no need to worry about all the pressures of a relationship. Do we hold hands? Do we just hug? When can we kiss? Are we going to get married? What will our life be like if we get married? I'm not ready for those questions. I have a friend, and I need nothing more. So, don't stress, that's not what I'm pushing you into ;)

This Was A Triumph

Studying people.

I love it, I can't get enough, I can't stop. There's always been something about the complexity of a human being that perplexes me. How can billions of people be so different??? God truly did invent a masterpiece when he created the human mind. No two people are exactly alike. This means that whoever I choose to evaluate, they act differently than anyone I've seen before. As time goes on I can pick out patterns and predict ways people will act to an extent, but to predict someones actions exactly is impossible. To be more precise reading emotions is what I'm best at. Facial expressions, body language, the way people respond to stimuli, that's what I'm best at. Imagine looking at someones face and being able to read it like a book, with every word they speak it's like reading another page of their life. I know, it's very prideful to say so, but I've always known it's my gift from God. The interpretation of spirits is one of the gifts of The Holy Spirit, it's Biblical, people can do it. I know I can do it and I can do it well (not through any skill of my own though, as stated before, it's a gift from God. Nothing I do specifically makes me better or worse at it. My skills are at the discretion of His will). Anywho, to my point. So I study people and I love it. Human interactions are so fascinating!!! Even as I'm typing this I don't think I'm capable of seriously explaining why I love it so much. There's just so much complexity and diversity to be seen in life, relationships in particular. People become who they really are when in a relationship. They shed all fears and show who they really are. My younger brother was recently in a relationship that ended extremely abruptly because the girl had no idea how he really was. Once she saw what he was really like her feelings changed.

I think I'm rambling rather than giving a strong central point. (Give me a break, it's midnight and this cheesecake and Mountain Dew is all that's keeping me up)

I find some people more interesting than others, and it's complicated to explain. There's no centralized reason why I prefer hearing about them over other people, I just find their life more interesting. I think it might have something to do with the fact that some people that I find extremely interesting, I'm not satisfied until I know everything about them. All the tiny little facts about their life and how they became the person they are today I want to know in and out. Some call that obsession, I like to think it shows that I care :p

Okay, my mind can't concentrate, I need to stop this before I start confusing myself.